Soñando / Dreaming

Soñando / Dreaming

Soñé que me levantaban la falda y una mueca se dibujaba en mi rostro,
I dreamed that  I lifted my skirt and a grin was drawn on my face

soñé que me entregaban un dulce que dejaba mi lengua ácida, pegajosa
I dreamed that  they gave me a candy that left my tongue sour, sticky,

soñé que me daban la mano y se rompía mi vientre,
I dreamed that they shook my hand and my belly broke,

También soñé que me abrazaba y un grito me ahogaba y cuando al fin desperté mi cara,
Also I dreamed that he hugged me and a cry drowned me and when I finally woke up my face,

mi lengua,
mi mano,
mi vientre…
ya no eran míos.

my tongue, my hand, my belly… were no longer mine…

Tuve un sueño…
I had a dream…

No llegaba ni a las rodillas de los grandes y ya quería escalar las montañas,
I was not even up to the knees of the tall ones and I already wanted to climb mountains,

flotar y ver el mundo bajo mi estómago.
to float and to watch the world under my stomach.

Dejé de creer en el viejito pascuero
I stopped believing in Santa

pero pensaba aún que las hadas existían y que nuestra cordillera era la más grande del mundo.
but I still thought that fairies existed and that our mountain range was the largest in the world.

Tuve más sueños…
I had more dreams …

en que luchaba con dragones para salvar a mi hermana de la ropa en sombra sobre la cama,
In which I fought dragons to save my sister sister from the shadow of the clothes on the bed,

pero cuando tuve que luchar contra verdades mi coraza de caballero ya no existía
but when I had to fight truths, my knight’s armor no longer existed

y por regalos que aparecían en la tele compré una parte de mis ganas de volar,
and for the gifts that appeared on television I bought a part of my desire to fly,

a cambio de unas rosadas esquelas perfumadas el mundo se me fue poniendo gris.
in exchange of pink scented esquelas, my world was turning gray.

Pero cuando ya llegaba a la cadera de los grandes pensaba que el cielo pensaba en mi
But when I came up to the hip of the tallest, I thought the sky was thinking of me,

y que pronto me llevaría a viajar volando por el mar,
and that shortly it would take me traveling flying over the sea.

Creer por sueños que era una superheroína para mi hermana me mantenía dispuesta a soportar el olor a tabaco y perfume barato de eucalipto que quedaba en mi entrepierna y en mis labios,
To believe in my dreams that I was a superhero for my sister kept me willing to put up with the smell of snuff  and cheap eucalyptus perfume  that was left between my legs and on my lips,

que sólo sabían en ese tiempo canciones de nubeluz.
that only knew on that time Nubeluz’s songs.

También soñaba que nada de lo que ocurría en las noticias me iba a suceder,
Also dreamed that anything that happens on the news was going to come true to me,

que aunque me sintiera fragmentada,
although I feel fragmented,

no iban a estar mis brazos en una bolsa de basura,
my arms would not be in a garbage bag

mis zapatos tirados al lado de un camino, mi cabeza destrozada por un martillazo,
my shoes lying beside of a road, my head smashed by a hammer,

ni mi virginidad manchada por una enfermedad o por un grito que opté por callar.
or not even my virginity tainted by a disease or a cry that I opted to mute.

Soñaba con que el gas de la Coca Cola era lluvia que tocaba mi nariz en los días que el calor de otro cuerpo me hacía sentir pegajosa de mugre,
I dreamt that the Coca- Cola bubbles were rain that touched my nose on the days that the warmth of another body made me feel the sticky from the dirt,

que esas gotitas chispeantes que picaban, daban un respiro a mi cuerpecito en tensión.
that those stingy sparkly droplets,  were giving breath to my little tense body.

Pero cuando esperé soñando que el cielo me llevara aún más cerca de él,
But when I waited dreaming that the sky would bring me even closer to Him,

me di cuenta que estaba a la misma altura que el resto,
I realized that I was at the same height as everyone else,

que todos estábamos con nuestros hombros en fila,
that we were all shoulder to shoulder,

casi esperando cantar el himno nacional,
half expecting to sing the national anthem,

escupiendo al cielo y a la bandera que se iza por la puta vida que me tiene plantada a este pedazo de tierra,
spitting at the sky and the flag hoisted for this bitch of a life that has me planted in this piece of land!…

pero aún así igual esperaba que por alguna razón especial ÉL debía elegirme para volar,
But… even so I was just waiting for some special reason why He would choose me to fly,

para poder ver mi país completo y demorarme en su flacura lo que se demoraba en recorrer lo largo de mis piernas.
so I could see my entire country and linger in its leanness the while it took him to travel along my legs…

 

Montserrat Vargas is a Chilean performer and theater facilitator based in New York City. She is an Associate Member of Nettles Artists Collective, where she performed and worked as an Assistant Director of Apple Of My Eye. Montserrat also mentors several immigrant communities in Queens.
She holds two degrees from Chilean colleges; one in Acting from the Universidad Mayor and one in Arts Education from Universidad de Los Lagos.
She is collaborator of Group.Br, a physical theater company, also she is very proud to be part of the collaborators of LaMicro Theater. This past year, she presented at Movement Research the performance installation called “Mouthful Annihilation” an exploration of women issues in collaboration with Andressa Furletti. This year Montserrat will have the premiere of her first multidisciplinary solo exhibition called La Mordida” The Bite & The Bitten”, exploring teeth as a metaphor, a representation of violence, immigration, love and women’s objectification through embroidery, photography, poetry and performance.

http://montserratvargas.com/

Author: AlejandroIV

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